Soy Monstruo
by Sammicakes
Summary: Lovino.Everything was about Lovino.But...maybe,maybe if he had never seen the man,maybe if he had never approached him,never danced with him,he would still be here.Maybe if he had never loved the man...No.He would never,ever,want to stop loving him.


**A/N: Heyyo...I know I haven't kept up on any of my promises, i know. HOWEVER I have developed a new method of writing, so I'll clue you guys in on that. I'm actually writing ALL of the chapters at once for "The Haunting" so I can finish it in a somewhat timely manner-if you guys are reading this note- and update regularly. And for all other stories, im going SEVERAL chapters ahead before I update.**

**Anyways, I just wanted to get this out there, and I'll probably be totally horrible about updating this. JSYK. I'm going to be completely honest, even though it KILLS me to say that. High school is WHIPPING my ass right now, and I just got a laptop, and the file conversion is kinda hard, but we're getting there! :DD**

**Rating MIGHT change! MIGHT being the operative word, y'all. :) Also, first plain 'romance' story, so go easy on me!**

**Enjoy, my lovliess~**

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

The lighting was low, and the masks glimmered as people walked and moved. Frightening masks, and fantastical ones joined with simple, plain half-masks, they all were here. The middle of the ballroom was flooded with dancing pairs, and they swept across the dance floor, making a quiets _shh_ noise. Along the fringes, couples were littered about, and they talked quietly, a low hum above the music.

It was an estate in the well-endowed neighborhood of Italy. Outside, in the courtyard, was a veranda where the music barely reached. It looked out over the vast, gorgeous plains of the land, and showed a marvelous garden where a great many types of fruits and vegetables and flowers grew.

A lonely Spaniard overlooked everything, staring at the moon, just emerging from behind the cloudbank. His mask depicted a sort of swirling depicture of dragon, as it twisted around his face, and elegantly breathing fire. He was dressed in a rather form-fitting black tuxedo, with a deep red bow tie, the color of freshly spilled blood, or fine wine. Acidic green eyes stared out forlornly against the golds and reds and oranges of his mask. His mouth wasn't twisted in any particular way, but he appeared to be sad. The smell of too much perfume, and the sweat of moving bodies had followed him outside, and he flared his nostrils in distaste.

White gloves encased his hands, and he brushed slightly curled chocolate hair out of the way. A deep sigh was let out, and he kept looking out at the moon and stars. Suddenly, he heard someone open the glass doors behind him, letting the music get louder, and the musk of humanity out again. He heard the person walk up behind him, and they hesitated slightly before raising their hand up to tap him on the shoulder. He didn't turn, but he gave a small grunt of acknowledgement, showing the person they had his attention.

The hand was withdrawn, and as the gust of air that blew over him as a result of the movement, a smell washed over his nose. His eyes widened, and he felt a smile slip onto his face. The smell of tomatoes and earth and pasta washed over him, and he turned around, his arms thrown up in excitement. "_¡Mi corazon! ¿Como estas? Te ves bien, mi tomate._" A slight rosy color light the little Italians cheeks, barely changing the color, and a scowl drew over his face. His eyebrows lowered and came together, making a few wrinkles, and he wanted to smooth them away.

"Shut it, Antonio. Why are you out here when you could be dancing in there? Everyone is just _dying_ to see you dance. They even have a special music number lined up just for you. My brother composed it for you himself, so why are you out here?" Lovino said somewhat sarcastically.

At that his eyes darkened, but his smile didn't waver. "Ah, but Lovino, the night is beautiful and young, and I wished to see the stars. Look at them, they are glowing with the fires of celestial beings."

The Italian, Lovino, looked up as well, and his eyes softened momentarily. Then his eyes snapped back over to Antonio, and his gaze hardened once more. "Yes, yes, they look very much like stars. Now then, back inside." He tried to usher Antonio back inside, but he stood as stoic and still as a rock.

"Ah, I dance on only one condition, _mi tomate_, I get to choose my dance partner, and they shall dance with me, no matter their wishes."

Lovino stopped pushing to look at him incredulously. "Don't call me that. Plus, that's a bit rude. They get no chance at all? Well, what if they don't know how to dance?"

Antonio's smile subtly changed to one that was predatory in nature. "Ah, but this person is adept in dancing. They will do well." His voice lowered, as well, making it sound gruffer.

Lovino's frown deepened, "Fine, but don't do anything you will regret."

"Ah, I hope I won't regret this," he said truthfully. It would be terrible if his plan went awry.

He finally let Lovino push him into the ballroom, and he could smell them all once more. The lust, the passion, the romance, all warped together with deceit and lies in a delicate web. He walked up to the platform, people parting for him as he walked by. He smiled in a debonair fashion, and winked occasionally. Soon, he walked into the center of the ballroom, and a little man, Feliciano, the twin brother of Lovino, joined him. The tiny pasta lover started to trill to the crowd, and everyone fell silent.

"And now, shall we clap for Antonio, who graciously decided to dance for us tonight?"

Applause rang out, and he bowed graciously. A slightly forced smile sitting on his face.

After he bowed, Antonio stood up and cleared his throat. The applause stopped and all attention was on him. "As you all know, I am here to dance for you. However, I require a dancing partner. I shall choose one person from this room to accompany me.

Immediately the women started to murmur, smiles forming with devious plans. He let the most chatter settle down, and then he smiled, capturing the audience. "I have chosen, and my lucky partner shall be the unmatched Lovino Vargas!"

Silence enveloped the room, and nary a sound was heard.

An angry shuffling suddenly could be heard, and an angry looking Lovino was fuming as he was pushed through the crowd to the center of the room. His face was flushed with anger and after he was finished glaring at the people who pushed him, he turned his icy glare onto Antonio. He wore a simple white half-mask, but his distinctive hair curl was what gave him away. Sometimes he was mistaken for his brother, but once you got used to them it was easy to tell them apart. Lovino's hair was darker than Feliciano's, and his curl was on the other side of his head. Also, their personalities were like night and day, not to be dramatic.

Feliciano was a simple, carefree man, and was like a breath of fresh air. He was a nice, peace loving person, and had an affinity for anything artistic, but was in no way snobby or disdainful. He loved pasta and flirting with women, and he had a strange verbal tic that was adorable if not occasionally annoying. It was also rumored that he had an ongoing affair with a German aristocrat.

Lovino, on the other hand, had a fiery personality, a temper that was dangerously short, and a disposition that was alarmingly rude. He was foul-mouthed and opinionated, as well as being extremely self-righteous. Most people didn't like him at all, put off by his nasty temper. He was nothing short of charming when it came to women, though. They flocked to him and crowed for his attention.

Well, they used to, at least. Nobody knows what happened, except for Lovino and a mysterious other, but now the women stayed away from him. However, he had caught Antonio's attention from the first day he had set his eyes on him. He was an intriguing individual and a mixture of contrasts. Of course, they hadn't known the man for very long, only a few months, but his thoughts always managed to come swirling back to him.

Antonio walked over to Lovino, a small smile on his face. He leaned into Lovino, who smelled like the earth, and breathed into his ear a few choice words. "You promised, Lovino."

Always a man of his word, Lovino grudgingly let the Spaniard take his hand as they made their way back to the center of the dance floor. Sparse amounts of applause greeted them, but as soon as Antonio arranged Lovino and himself into position, everyone fell silent. Slowly, the music started, and he took a deep breath, fire lighting behind his eyes. He could tell that Lovino was nervous, it wasn't really hard to spot. Quietly, for his Lovino's ears only, he said, "Relax, you're Italian, dancing is in your blood."

Then the music fell on the right beat, and Antonio burst into life, his feet doing intricate dance steps, a mixture of various Spanish dances. He held Lovino to his chest possessively while they danced. Lovino was keeping up rather nicely, and his face split into a wolfish grin. "So, I see you can dance."

Lovino scoffed. "Of course I can dance, I'm Italian, remember? It's one of the things I do best."

"Well, then, I guess you wouldn't mind if I spice things up a little bit, would you?"

"Wait, wha-" Lovino was cut off as Antonio dipped him low, and as he pulled Lovino back up, he let go of one arm, and spun around, causing Lovino to curl around his form. Then, with a strange flick of his wrist, Lovino was uncurled, and Antonio clutched him to his chest once more. Their feet were still moving, and Lovino seemed to be caught in shock.

"What was that?" hissed Lovino?

"That, _mi tomate_, was dancing. That is why I am the entertainment. Can you not keep up?"

"Of course I can, bastard!"

The dance steadily became faster and faster, and they both got lost in the dance. More impossible moves were used as the dance went on, and the crowd was utterly mesmerized. Suddenly the music ended, but Antonio didn't stop moving, no, he just started to move slower and slower, twisting around in circles, twirling Lovino with him. Suddenly, he finished with a flourish, and he held Lovino in another dip, his breathing slightly faster than normal, where Lovino was almost panting.

There were several moments that held complete silence, then there was an eruption of applause. The room practically shook with all of the clapping and astonished, amazed talking. Lovino broke out of his grip, and walked away stiffly. Feliciano, on the other hand, came forwards excitedly, and started to babble incoherently about how he had danced. He paid less than half a mind to Feliciano, but watched as Lovino left, wondering where he was going.

Eventually, his more friendly side managed to come out, and he actually started to carry on conversations with the other guests. They actually were quite nice, if not the tiniest bit shallow, but then, so was he. Everyone in the room had somehow managed to corner him and tell him what a great dancer he was, and some left some not-so-subtle invitations to the bed, which he cheerfully declined. Eventually he sought out Feliciano.

"Feli, do you know where _Lovinito_ has scampered off to? I do feel kind of bad about making him dance with me, and I want to apologize for making him uncomfortable."

Feliciano smiled up at him brightly. "Ve, I'm pretty sure he went out to the gardens, if you want to see him! Although, I don't really think he's angry at you, so to speak. I think that he is more flustered. He's usually fine about dancing, and such, ve."

Antonio smiled back at the cheerful Italian. "_Gracias_, Feli! And thank you for hiring me to dance, it was a very pleasurable experience, and I would enjoy doing it again, sometime."

"Of course, Antonio! Ve, you are always welcome in our house, I feel as though you are a big brother!"

"Ah, I would love that! You and Lovino could be _mi hermanitos_! You are both so cute! I feel as though I've known you both for so long."

"Me, too! Anyways, if you want to catch _fratello_, then you might want to hurry!"

"Thank you, Feli!"

"Bye, Antonio!"

Feliciano waved at him, as Antonio left, and he waved back, a slightly goofy smile on his face. He had become familiar with the manor in the couple of days that he had been here, and was confident as he made his way to the gardens. His steps were light and almost predatory as he glided through the corridors.

He came to a stop when he got to the entrance to the gardens, and looked out the archway to see if Lovino was actually there. He was, actually, and he was sitting on a stone bench and looking up at the stars, not unlike Antonio had been maybe an hour ago. Antonio could see his profile clearly, and he seemed to look almost...sober in a way. All of his frown lines were gone, and he stared at the sky with a mixture of hope, bewilderment, and awe.

He almost appeared to smile a little bit. He was beautiful when he smiled, though Antonio doubted that Lovino himself thought that way. His olive skin seemed to glisten in the mixture of firelight and moonlight, and his eyes looked amazing. They weren't quite hazel, but not quite green, either. It was an intriguing color, and the layers of color within them never ceased to amaze Antonio. Not many people have eyes like that, eyes that you can just look into and never cease to amaze.

His mask lay discarded next to him, and the loose ribbon fluttered gently in the breeze. Antonio drank in the sight, wanting to imprint it in his memory. He smiled, not a smirk, not the happy smile he usually wore, but one that was completely genuine, and made his eyes sparkle. Slowly, he made his way over to Lovino.

Causally, he sat down next to him, and mimicked his pose, looking up into the sky. All of the clouds had finally cleared away, and you could see so many stars, it looked like the sky was milky. He sighed in pleasure, and that cause Lovino to start. He must not have realized that Antonio had been there. Antonio chuckled low in his throat, and turned to face him.

Lovino had an expression caught between surprise, and anger, his mouth open to form a little 'o' of surprise, and a slight blush covering his cheeks. He huffed, and turned away adamantly.

"You really are a good dancer, Lovi. Not many can do what you just did."

Lovino peeked over his shoulder, looking at Antonio. "Don't call me that, you...you...bastard." The threat sounded hollow, and Lovino knew it, but didn't seem to mind. "Was I really good?"

His voice held some kind of childish hope, and it seemed to be a contrast of his usual personality.

"Of course I mean what I said. I knew you could do it, but I didn't know you could do it that well. You only faltered once, and you recovered magnificently. Many people would love to have the natural talent that you do."

Lovino flushed again, but it didn't seem to be from anger. Antonio hoped it was a good response to what he had said.

"I-I'm not that good, though," Lovino suddenly said, eyes downcast. "Feliciano is a better dancer than me. He was trained."

"Oh, is that true?" Antonio asked. "Well, are you trained as well, then?"

"Ah, no," he stuttered out gently. "I wasn't taught." His whole persona seemed to harden after that statement, though Antonio wasn't sure why.

Antonio beamed at him, and scooted closer. He put a hand on his shoulder. "Ah, but see? You are this good untrained. Imagine what would have happened if you had been. You are an amazing dancer."

"Well, I did know some of the things because I watched you during your rehearsals. That's the only way I was able to keep up."

"Hmm, I don't think so. I think that you would've been great either way."

Lovino smiled just a little bit, but it made his eyes crinkle and sparkle. Then that smile snapped back into a frown, quick enough that if he had blinked, he would have missed it. Then his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Wait, why are you here?" He shrugged off Antonio's hand, and scooted away, again.

"I am here to apologize. I thought I made you feel uncomfortable during the dance, and that was why you ran away."

"Bastard, I'm fine. I was just taken off guard. Do you really think that a mere dance could scare me away?"

Antonio laughed, and the sound seemed to startle Lovino. "Of course not, what was I thinking, Lovi?"

The frown turned into a scowl when he said that. "Did I not already tell you not to call me that?"

Antonio was quickly becoming his smiling, somewhat stupid self, and was in no way deterred by what Lovino said.

Then out of the corner of Antonio's eye he saw something red. He turned to it, and he almost laughed in joy. It was a tomato! He hadn't had a tomato in years. Ever since before it happened.

He leaned into it reverently, and cautiously held the tomato in his hands, marveling at its smooth, shiny, red skin.

"What are you doing, you idiot?"

Antonio was snapped out of his reverie, and he looked over to Lovino, who had one eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Ah, it's just been so long since I've seen a tomato! I used to eat them all the time," he sighed at the happy memories.

"That's my private stock, right there. Feliciano isn't even allowed to look at them." Lovino sounded rather smug about that fact.

"Why not?" Antonio asked with genuine curiosity.

"He is always going around looking for ingredients to make pasta. He used to hog all the tomatoes, so this is my private bush."

"Ah, I see. That does sound like something that Feli would do."

Lovino shot him an angry look. "What is it with you and strange one syllable nick names?"

Antonio shrugged nonchalantly. "It's just what I do."

Lovino stood up, and Antonio followed suit. And while Lovino was stretching, Antonio got really close and took the advantage to smell him. Oh, _Dios mio_, he smelled so good. Lovino finally noticed how close Antonio was to him, and he stumbled back a step. He had another angry scowl on his face, but Antonio was nowhere near scared; quite the opposite, in fact.

"Oi, _bastardo_, what do you think you're doing?"

Antonio shrugged nonchalantly, and smiled again.

"Where are you going, _mi Lovanito_?"

"I was going to go back to my room, _bouna notta, bastardo_."

"_Adios, mi corazon. ¡Tienes una buena noche!_"

"Shut up." After uttering those last parting words, Lovino walked off into his estate. Antonio sat down on the bench again, but not before noticing that his cute little Lovino had left his mask sitting there. Antonio picked it up, turning it so it would catch the moonlight. The ribbon hung limply, flowing with the breeze. He promised himself he would return it to Lovino tomorrow, but he wanted to keep it.

He sighed, and made his way up to the ballroom once more, his mask still on his face. He hadn't taken if off all night. Normally he couldn't stand masks, but for some reason he had wanted to stay anonymous tonight.

His free hand went to touch his gilded mask, and he stroked it reverently. He thought it fit him, in a strange way. The monster inside him, and the monster on his mask. They lived on the outskirts of reality, no one wanting to realize they were real. Grim as it was there was no denying it.

He was a monster. He was a terrible monster that was cursed to be alone forever.

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><p><strong>~Translations~<strong>

_¡__Mi corazon! ¿Como estas? Te ves bien, mi tomate. - _**My Darling (corazon literally means 'heart' which can be translated into 'darling')! How are you? You look good, my tomato. -****Spanish**

__mi tomate -__ **My tomato - Spanish**

_Lovinito -_ **Little Lovino - Spanish **(When the Spanish add the suffix -ito or -ita it means that that thing is 'small.' It is a term used for loved ones or friends, and is an endearing term. :D )

_Gracias - _**Thank you - Spanish**

_mi hermanitos -_ **My little brothers - Spanish**

_fratello - _**Brother - Italian**

__Dios mio -__ **(oh) My god - Spanish**

_Oi, bastardo - _**Hey, bastard - Italian**

_bouna notta, bastardo - _**Good night,** **bastard - Italian**

_Adios, mi corazon. ¡Tienes una buena noche! - _**Goodbye my darling. (You) Have a good night! - Spanish**

**A/N: Was it good? Good enough to continue? Feedback is nice! Concrit is welcomed, as long as it's not...troll-y.**

:DD

Love you guys!

~Sammi :D


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